These last few weeks leading up to my birthday, I have been so reflective on my journey back to my own power and embracing it even more. It’s taken 10 years of focus on re-alignment! How did I lose so much of it I have been asking myself lately? What happened in my 20’s and 30’s to put me into a place where I was giving my power away on a silver platter to almost anyone, especially men? How could I have been so self-confident and independent and then over the course of 15 years feel I lost it?
Life is a journey and I know now I had to experience what I did for a reason. I had to experience tremendous contrast in order to come back into alignment with my inner self. It has been an uphill walk/run/drag my feet a lot of the time to the mid-point of the mountain, and I mean uphill literally since I celebrate 49 years of life! I am dreaming of a leveling off now, maybe reaching the peak in a sprint, and then a downhill coast towards all my desires and deeper self-love! Yet had I not had these experiences, I would not be able to traverse the road leading and guiding others to THEIR self-love. It’s all a gift! I have had to add value to my life and build my self-worth in order to give it away.
I believe one of the massive keys to self-evolution or becoming and owning our power means deciding the Spirit is WITHIN. The POWER is within. There is no person, place or thing outside of myself that gives me power. I am means I AM. Which means the power lies within and not without. Why then did I choose to give away so much of myself, even all of myself to other people, places, and things? The key word here is choice. It was a choice all along to keep giving away my power. I mean no one was holding a gun to my head saying I must do this or that. I willingly gave it away and I believed others when they said or showed I meant nothing to them. Experiencing this stripped me of my self-worth, my self-care, and ultimately my power. I became extremely co-dependent, leaving me feeling fearful and helpless a lot of the time. Letting my EGO control my world.
As a little girl, I found myself in a religion that worshiped men. I saw men in power in government, church, and in my own home. I was fortunate enough to have a glimpse of women in power in high school, because I went to an all girl’s school. Yet after college I went to a male-dominated corporation where all the executives were men. I had another corporate job after that and I had all male bosses. The common theme was, men lead, and women follow. Since I was such a good girl and rule follower, I did what I was told so I wouldn’t go to hell, get fired, or ruin my image. Hence, I gave away my power continually. I think I honestly thought men must know more than women! Especially when it came to money. After I was married I really turned over a lot of my power to my husband thinking he would take charge of the finances and take care of us. I entrusted everything to him and when I went to get a divorce I was sadly mistaken that I would be given my fair share of the estate. Lesson learned on that one! This has driven me to work on myself so this won’t ever happen again. It also drives me to help other women experiencing the same thing.
Throughout my life, there have been times when I exerted my power. I was a very independent woman and not afraid to go after what I wanted. I had a 401k I started at 22, traveled a lot and had interesting jobs. Good things seemed to fall in my lap too, and I was happy most of the time! Yet looking back, I didn’t embrace my power fully in any area of my life. I was not taught I was worthy, smart, and valuable just being me. This is a HUGE key to a happy, fulfilling, and abundant life.
The silver platter syndrome is now a thing of the past. I have learned tremendous lessons these last few years and found my self-worth and where my power lies. I’m like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. I always had the power within, I only had to ask and then harness it. You can too!
photo credit: @k8townsend