I was at the pool doing my river walking this morning. It’s one of my favorite exercises to do in the summer and even though it was raining, I’m a die hard when it comes to river walking since it’s only 3 months a year. So of course I went to the river! I am so glad I did because it inspired this blog entry. I love how Spirit does that for me! My intuition at work! And it caused me to reflect on how religion and intuition seem to be at odds with one another.
While I was at the pool I encountered one of my walking friends, Donna, who has shared with me she has passed my business card around to a lot of women interested in readings and ones who she claims could really use my help in connecting with their deceased loved ones. There is one women in particular who would greatly benefit from sitting with me for a reading, yet is resistant because she feels her religion and her parents would be very upset if she did. Currently, she is in so much grief, over the death of a loved one, it is actually taking a toll on her life and she is not able to function in the way she used to. This stirs a lot of emotion for me, yet at the same time I completely understand where she is coming from. I based a lot of my decisions on what the church taught, yet today I can’t seem to understand their ideas and rules around things such as mediumship, energy healing, and yoga. They don’t seem to be rational. To me they seem controlling and rigid. I have a whole other blog to do around all that!
When I was married and at my wits end, realizing I hated myself and my husband, I had no idea what to do to make it better. I had tried everything I could think of to “fix” myself and him. Absolutely nothing was working, and I felt stressed and overwhelmed constantly. My life was falling apart and I was trying to keep it all together any way I could. One day, after I had been praying the rosary(AKA meditating) for about a year, I woke up at 6am and went into my living room. I kneeled down in front of what I know was the beginning of an altar, to my picture of Jesus and said to him, “Dude, I don’t know what you are going to do, yet I am dying here and I can’t live this way anymore, so you fix it! I don’t care what you do, just do something!” I was sobbing and spent. I was cracking at the seams and I couldn’t handle it anymore. In that miraculous moment, I surrendered. It was wonderful to let go and turn it over. I felt relief and like a weight had been lifted off of me.
Looking back, I know religion had nothing to do with that moment. I was intuiting it was time to move on, yet needed a higher intelligence to help me do it. I had known for years I was not happy nor meant to stay married, yet I was scared and worried of how my parents and my church would react to me leaving my commitment. Marriage is a sacrament for better or worse and by golly no matter how worse it got I seemed to be able to take it! I was the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker! Until I couldn’t anymore. I had to save myself because NO ONE was going to do it for me. I had even had intuitive feelings about my relationship and how it was not working before we got engaged, yet shut them down. My religion had shamed me into believing so many things were bad or wrong, I felt it was a sin to leave. Now I know this is so very untrue. Especially when it comes to my health and well-being. The Divine loves me no matter what and will not send me to an awful place if I have made a decsion out of alignment with IT.
After I surrendered that day, things began to shift dramatically for me! I was guided to get a lawyer, and pursue leaving my marriage. It was a tumultuous time, yet things kept “falling into place,” and miracles kept showing up to keep me focused on leaving and starting a new life, one more aligned with who I wanted to become. I was even getting in the best physical shape of my life! The Zumba I was addicted to kept me feeling very good in my body and this was key to my leaving. I felt powerful and sexy. I was listening to the guidance now, yet at times it was very hard to keep moving forward. I relied on other women who had gone through what I had and they lifted me up, pushing me to RISE to my potential. They were examples of living by spiritual principles and they were there to listen and give suggestions. Religion was falling away because I had not found what I was seeking there. I was creating a new relationship with a loving higher power and it was magical!
Relaying all this back to the woman who needs to work through her grief, I can see where she is stuck in a conundrum. On the one hand she knows she could connect with her deceased loved one and it keeps coming up for her, yet on the other she struggles with doing something “wrong or bad” because of her religion. My question to her would be, “Wouldn’t a loving God want you to find healing for your heart instead of carrying around a backpack of rocks weighing you down in misery? And don’t you think if getting a reading keeps surfacing in your mind, it means you are being guided by the Divine?” It’s like that riddle where the man is on the top of a roof because there is a flood and he asks God to send him help. So God sends a fishing boat, then a bigger boat and then a helicopter and the man denies all three saying God is going to save him. What happens? He dies and when he gets to heaven he asks God why he died and God says he sent all these rescue teams yet the man turned them all away! Why do we continually shut off the helpful voice within? Because we were taught to do exactly that. I was taught to listen to others outside myself, not go within. This is why so many of us are out of tune with our intuition.
The great news is we always have access to our intuition! It just needs a tune up and there are so many ways to practice listening to it. You have to begin listening and then follow it! It gets easier and easier and one day you wake up in another place, surrounded with loving friends and peace and joy you hadn’t experienced in a decade! You feel alive and free and know a loving force was always by your side, patiently waiting for you to step into your power.
Listen and follow the guidance.
photo credit: /@_thedl